As I sit here and see all the posts across social media honoring all the fallen Veterans from our country it floods my mind with what being bipolar has taken from me. I don’t want to take anything away from the fallen by any means but I’ll explain as I go on.

As an 18yr old graduating high school in 1983 my plan for my life was to join the military, go off to war and give my life for my country. Sounds odd but that was my plan. Little did I know that I was showing the first signs of being bipolar. Maybe that was the first sign of mania in me. Over the next 4yrs I would join the Marines, never make it overseas and go into a major hypomanic state which would lead to nothing but trouble for me. Constant self medicating with alcohol and bizarre and wild behavior. Of course back then, nobody knew about bipolar or just thought I was a troublemaker, who knows. But my unit finally tired of it and decided it was time for me to go. I didn’t care then, just wanted to go so I was separated from the Marines and sent home.

For years I harbored a deep anger and resentment towards the people I served with for the treatment I was subjected too. Blaming them for the problems I had while there. Finally things got so bad I had to go get some outside help. Could no longer deal with it myself. When I was diagnosed with bipolar2 and PTSD it was an eye opener. The more I read and learn about bipolar the more I understand my actions when I was younger. It was most certainly hypomania. My only regret is that I can’t go back and change the past.

So as another memorial day passes and the bad memories flow back in I will struggle to go on for awhile. It’ll get better, then Veterans day will arrive and it’ll start all over. Maybe one day I can forgive myself but I’ll never forget what bipolar has done to my life. And I will probably never forget the people for the way they treated me either but I won’t hold a grudge any longer.

Let’s all remember what the Veterans of our military have done to protect our freedoms. They are the reason we have the opportunity to write our feelings in blogs like this and to enjoy living in a free country. So a big “Thanks” to all who’ve served and will serve in the future. May your time be better than my time ever was . God bless and be safe.